“For love, we will climb mountains, cross seas, traverse desert sands, and endure untold hardships.” - Dr. Gary Chapman
Love is a universal language that transcends through boundaries, cultures, and time. It's a fundamental human need that we all crave and seek throughout our lives. However, we don't all communicate and experience love in the same way. This, in my mind, is a really beautiful thing. Life would be boring if we all felt the same about things.
What is a love language and what are the five types
Your love language refers to the way you express and receive love in your relationships. The concept of love languages was popularized by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book "The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts," first published in 1992. According to Chapman, there are five primary love languages, and each person has a dominant love language through which they feel most loved and valued. You can think of your dominant love language as something equivalent to your native dialect.
Different types of love languages
1. Words of Affirmation: This is likely your love language if you feel most loved when you receive verbal affirmations and compliments from your partner. If this is your language, positive words and expressions of love, encouragement, and appreciation are important to you.
2. Acts of Service: If you feel most loved when your partner performs acts of service such as doing chores, running errands, or taking on tasks to make your life easier, then this one's for you.
3. Receiving Gifts: Those with this love language feel loved when they receive thoughtful gifts. The value may not necessarily be in the gift's cost, but in the sentiment and thoughtfulness behind it.
4. Quality Time: If you have a quality time love language, you'll feel most loved when you spend quality, intentional time with your partner. This one's all about being present and engaged in the moment together.
5. Physical Touch: If this one's yours, then you'll typically feel most loved through physical gestures such as hugs, kisses, holding hands, and other forms of physical affection.
Why it's important
Looking outward, knowing your love language allows you to communicate your needs and desires to your partner. It'll also help you to recognize and appreciate the efforts of your loved ones. When you see someone make an effort to speak your love language, it's really easy to feel cherished, valued, and deeply connected. It can help you navigate arguments and disagreements, and can make it easier to provide the support they need.
Additionally, knowing your love language can help you understand and improve other relationships in your life, not just romantic ones. Your love language influences how you feel loved and appreciated in all types of relationships, including friendships, family dynamics, and even professional relationships. By understanding your love language, you can communicate your needs and expectations to others, leading to more fulfilling and harmonious connections.
It seems like we often think that the world around us should know how to love us, but the truth is that we all have different wants; and let's face it, most of us aren't mind readers!
Looking inward, learning your love language can be a journey of self-discovery. It helps you become more aware of your own emotions and what truly makes you feel loved and fulfilled in the relationship you have with yourself. This self-awareness can lead to personal growth, increased self-esteem, and a more satisfying and well-rounded life. So, embracing your love language not only benefits your relationships but also enriches your own inner world with love and kindness.
How to know what your love language is
Self reflecting is a great way to understand your primary love language. Looking at past relationships and writing down what you felt worked for you and what didn't is a simple yet effective exercise to reach this understanding of self. Ask yourself questions like: When did I feel most connected to my partner? What made me feel most loved and appreciated by my partner? What felt like the easiest way to show my partner my love for them? Then reference how your answers align with the five primary languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. For a quick understanding, I would suggest checking out this quiz that designed to help you discover your primary love language.
Keep in mind that people and circumstances change, and with that so may your love language. Because of this, I would recommend doing a self check-in and revisiting these ideas if you feel a change within yourself or in the world around you.
Love is a language, and knowing your native tongue is key to unlocking deep, fulfilling relationships (including the one with yourself!)
Here's to a balanced, loving you!
~ Ashlynn
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